I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
