We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
