One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
