i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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