she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
