new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
