Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
