Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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