The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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