I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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