Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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