It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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