i think my tv is drunk
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
