So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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