I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
