the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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