if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
