She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
