she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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