It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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