Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
