YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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