Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize