they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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