i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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