you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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