I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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