Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
