your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
