road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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