I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
