just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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