Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
