took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
