turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i black out too much to be "responsible"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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