I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
