I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
