It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
