I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
