Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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