That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
