How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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