i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize