two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
