soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
