Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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