You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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