They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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