I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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