On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
