i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
