I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
