He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
