I wish I could teleport
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
