Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
