even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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