i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
