maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
