a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
