No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize